The Gift of Silence
“When in your life did you become uncomfortable with the sweet territory of silence.”
As leaders, most of us have mastered the gift of words. We love to talk and our words mean something. The carefully crafted messages we bring to our schools and organizations are an important part of our leadership.
Often, we are at your best when you are giving a presentation, a lecture or a report. We’ve become good at giving inspirational messages to those we lead; challenging, inspiring and motivating them to be at their best. Other times, we use our words to bring a message of solace and consolation when folks are hurting and in need. Good leaders know how to do this and they do it well.
But there is an opposite side to the coin of conversation that is equally important and deserves our attention. It is the gift of silence. With the holiday season upon us, perhaps now is a good time to reflect on the power that silence can bring to our work and to our lives.
Author and educator Parker Palmer reminds us of the paradox that makes up the human landscape. In our lives and our organizations, he calls us to create spaces that support both solitude and community; spaces that welcome both silence and speech. Palmer suggests “silence itself can be a sort of speech, emerging from the deepest parts of ourselves, of others, and of the world” (The Courage to Teach, 1998).
I’m convinced that we would all do well to embrace this paradox and find ways to allow, as Max Picard calls it, “the phenomenon of silence” to fill our lives (The World of Silence, 1948). “Silence can reconcile the contradictions within us, holding them in a healthy tension,” according to the 20th Century contemplative, Thomas Merton (Seeds of Contemplation, 1949). The Bohemian poet Rainer Maria Rilke referred to life’s quiet moments as a “silent friend of many distances, feel how your breath enlarges all the space. Let your presence ring out like a bell into the night” (Letters to a Young Poet, 1929).
The spiritual writers too, have long reminded us of the importance of reverting to our quiet moments amidst the cacophony of competing distractions. The Hebrew scriptures encourage us to “be still, and know” (Psalms 46) while the Buddhist teachings suggest we “do not speak unless it improves on silence.”
Even modern day teachers and theorists speak of the importance of centering through silence as a means of renewal and refocus; allowing us to be recharged in our endeavors when we reemerge into our worlds of work following a quiet respite.
“Let silence do the heavy lifting”, says author Susan Scott. In her book, Fierce Conversations (2004), she encourages us to avoid forging our relationships exclusively through words. “It is exceedingly difficult,” she says “to gain a foothold in conversations filled with noise.” Rather, she suggests, “there are insights and emotions that can find you in no other way than through and within silence.” She reminds us of the old Native American proverb that asks the question, “Where in your life did you become uncomfortable with the sweet territory of silence?”
Harry Kraemer, former CEO of Baxter International and now Professor at Northwestern University writes and teaches the importance of quiet reflection as a key element of living a balanced life. It’s needed, he says, “for us to identify what we stand for, what we value and what matters most” (From Values to Action, 2011). Kraemer practices quiet reflection in his life by devoting eleven hours per week, or 7% of his 168 hours in a week, to the discipline of silence and quiet reflection. He encourages leaders to find space for silence and reflection in their daily work and thus, allowing our focus on what is important in our life.
Silence can be a powerful force if we allow it. It can provide a much needed solace amidst the bombardment of noise and competing sounds vying for our attention and business, especially during the holiday season. The need to slow down, refocus, reflect and be still, is what the deeper meaning of the holiday spirit calls us to.
Perhaps a pandemic holiday actually presents us with a unique opportunity. Most of us won’t travel, attend parties or gather in large, boisterous groups and as such, may find we have a bit more time on our hands. I hope we’ll seize the moment and discover the importance, the beauty, and the gift of a few days and nights filled with stillness and silence.
Happy Holidays everyone!
Edward Hollinger